i need anti-depressants!!

i woke up at the wrong side of the bed and havent recovered until now >.< im not in the mood for anything.. not even stupid jokes and most especially, i dont want to hear whinnings and complains and problems and whatever it is that you have! i just need a Windows XP SP-2 installer and Adobe After Effects, Corel Draw , Corel Painter, Corel photo editor, tablets.. etc etc (ampooootah ng seminar! nainggit ko sa ilang software pero mas nainggit ko sa ilang talent! shit!) and if you don't have that, stay away!


here comes my anti-depressant! omg, who would have thought that the screaming of my chemical romance would be a very good anti-depressant for me O___O (for those who know me, they know that when i'm down, i'll listen to MCR scream at the top of their lungs until my ears would almost explode or until ill feel better.. at least, that's the purpose. although at some point, it doesnt work i.e. when i was doing my thesis/SP and when i was so tired with work.

gerard has the most "comforting" voice ever! it's ironic but it works for me. i usually listen to "im not ok (i promise)" and "thank you for the venom". it is obviously not with the lyrics, i think it is more with the rhythm of the songs. since they are too upbeat, it somehow uplifts my spirit ( i think! ) and more about the way they look! hahaha (they are good-looking for me esp. mikey way ^__^, so who cares if they're not for you??). it is better than using ecstasy or alcohol or drugs, right? :P after listening to them like a hundred times, i'll feel better. hopefully it'll work now..

PS: im thinking of making a post about them.. hhhhmmm.. after all, they're my favorite rock band.AND TO THOSE TELLING ME THEY'RE GAY, WELL, GO TO HELL! WHO NEEDS YOUR DUMB OPINION, BTW??

the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you
yeah, i got over you


OVER YOU by DAUGHTRY



download it here :D


i was planning to change the layout AGAIN! haha but i came across this song while browsing my friend's myspace... just for the record, I CAN'T RELATE TO THIS SONG! :P

nyahahahaha :P

random

gaaaah even when choosing a title, i still cant make up my mind :((


i've been having some random ( but not to be ignored) thoughts lately. i, together with one of my friends, aubrey, will be leaving the company 2 weeks from now. others already left without our knowledge, btw.


this is another great decision that i had to make. aubrey will leave the company for dubai. it ain't that hard for her to decide, right? where she goes is better than what she has now. but me, im leaving the company to look for another job. look, that is, i dont know where to go yet. seems like i'll be back again to where i was before i decided to give the job a try. this brought me a looooot of tears (without everybody knowing). i keep on reassessing myself but still i can't find any other reasons to stay other than BIG salary i get every month.


it always hurts me to hear other people telling me "bat ka aalis? wala ka namang pupuntahan. akala ko sanay ka sa graveyard? parang di ka naman taga-UP nyan! akala ko sanay ka sa pressure kasi taga UP ka!" and i just don't say anything to them. they may be right.


OT: whenever nobody replies to my text, i'd think that im not that important to them. when nobody pm's me in ym, i'd think that they're thinking that it's just me so why bother reply. i know i will not be missed nor remembered when i leave the company, unlike aubrey. i know i am "talentless". i know im not one of those drop-dead-gorgeous girls. i know i dont have the confidence that others have. i admit that and it took all my confidence to admit that.


that's me. i always listen to what others think and say.my decisions always have always been affected by how others see it. But i realized that what made me decide to work in that company is not mainly because of others' opinions. coz it is, i would have announced to everyone that i got that job. but, it's the opposite. i don't have the courage to tell everyone what i got. im ashamed that they will again criticize my decision. i decided to have that job coz it is easier than the one i have in mind. yes, it's true. the one i want is way way way difficult than the one i have. and i am scared that it would take time for me to reach what i want so i settled for the easier one. and this is all i get now. the urge to resign...


my resignation would'nt mean that i can't handle the job because i know that i definitely can. it would'nt mean that i can't take that much pressure because as far as i know, i can handle pressure better than those i know. (and i know myself better than anyone else). it would'nt mean that i'll be wasting my time regretting for the decision i made. i want to do a lot of things. i want to make my own decisions to be where i want to be. i want to do things for myself and not for other people. i may not know where im going now but i'll figure it out.


so im sorry if you believe i dont listen to what you all have to say. like i said, im more stubborn than you know i am. i would go for what i want but sometimes im scared and most of the time i think of what others say and think about me. this is my life after all.


and i've found a solution to all my problems. whenever im scared and hopeless, i'd kneel down and pray. and i'll start doing it today... ^___^

work sucks >.<

"i know.. she left me roses by the stairs, surprises let me know she cares.." - blink 182 haha

yeah while waiting for my mom (who bought my oh-so-favorite spaghetti), might as well rant here hahaha

why? because work suuuuuuuucksssssss! enough said!

aaaaand i wanna have a taste of that (quoting my friend daichy) they-did-not-do-anything-out-of-the-extraordinary concert of fall out boy! only if this goddamn youtube works! aaarrrrgggghhhh!


and im missing my life! ( the life that i used to have though it wasn't as much of a life at all) and i want it baaaaack now! and im missing someone! **blush** gaaaaahhh cheesy! hahaha mind you, i don't admit it that often hahaha

my mom's here now! wheeeeee! ***out eating spageteeeee***

what was that???

last night, when i went back after my 2-day "vacation", guess how many calls i had!!! ***drum roLL*** FORTY CALLS! how's that for a welcome back party??? from zero, to five then now to FORTY??? they surely missed me that much! O___________O



and i wanna go to that dinner with motty and the rest of the surgical team! haha T________T

see that?

i saw that in bianca gonzalez' page. though it's a cliche, it's easier said than done. probably only less than half of those who say it believe that it is true. and only half of that half have done or is doing it. me? i wanna be in the half of that half. "wanna be".. means im not yet there :|

gray

maybe im way too emotional that nobody gets to notice it. not even my blog. i change layouts very often. sometimes it's colorful and sometimes it's dull. but the content? it's stil the same. there's no emotion in it. you cannot decipher what i was thinking when i wrote every entry in here. just like this one. this is just one of those. can you tell that that i felt guilty because i was stalking on someone before i wrote this? no, you cannot. can you tell that i have been/ am / will be crying until i can stand up for what i want? no, you cannot. my friends always tell me to update my blog. but i dont do it often because i dont want to rant and to whine and to complain. i also dont want to shout to the world my happiness, my sadness, my frustrations, my admirations, my fandomness which are normally the subjects of blogs. i dont want to do anything with my emotions but to keep it to myself.

now, i want change. char! haha! nabuang nah!

the receptionist called me and gave me my new sked.. so these are the times that i'll be out of reach (unless i call in sick which i love doing)

MON - WED 9PM - 7AM
THURS OFF
FRI 9PM - 7AM
SAT 9PM - 5AM
SUN OFF

but i'll be resigning in a month or so.. >.<

lalelilolu

...me pera ka nga, wala ka namang kasama.

nah! it's their loss.not mine! i'd better go back to sleep then go to hell..errr.. work later.

Maybe it's time for me to learn the art of forgetting people coz it seems like everbody's so good at it now.

wala ka ngang kasama, me pera ka naman... ^___^